For more than a decade, Joel Jakubowski, who is now the men's ministry director with The Potter's House, has given presentations in Pennsylvania and around the country to help educate family members of those who are experiencing addiction to drugs or alcohol. A little more than four years ago, Jakubowski started listening to all the people who were encouraging him to write a book on the subject. "One lady squeezed my arm and said, 'Joel, please write a book,'" Jakubowski recalled.

"I went home and looked at my (presentations)," Jakubowski recalled. "I wrote the book in like six hours." Over the two weeks after writing the draft, Jakubowski edited his writing. "I wanted to make it so people knew they could read it quickly," he recalled. "It's a rescue tool."

The completed work, "We Didn't Raise Them This Way! Educating, Equipping, and Empowering Families to Manage Drug-Addicted Behaviors," was published on Amazon, and Jakubowski has sold about 3,500 copies.

"Everyone who reads it contacts me and tells me how it has impacted their life," said Jakubowski, who noted that the book is geared toward family members who want to know how to manage their own behavior in the situation. "Families don't know how to respond, so they react," said Jakubowski. "The reactions are ineffective and generally lock the addiction in deeper." The other problem Jakubowski noted is that family members shy away from talking about the issue because of the stigma attached to drug addiction. "They think, 'We are bad family, bad people, bad parents.' That's why the book is called 'We Didn't Raise Them This Way.' Of course you didn't."

Jakubowski said that often the choice to use drugs or alcohol is related to conflict and strong emotions. "We all cope with the world's conflicts, but we all cope differently," he said, noting that some are able to cope in healthy ways, but others are not. He listed workaholism, codependency, and addiction to exercise as other unhealthy choices humans make. "Addicts cope with it by medicating," said Jakubowski.

"Parents have to understand that addiction is much more than a relational or social component," he said, noting that addiction involves spiritual, neurobiological, and emotional aspects. "There's a spiritual component that looks like idolatry," he pointed out. "We will all prioritize something as most important in our lives, and we only have two choices: things or God," he said. "If we worship drugs, we become addicted."

Jakubowski specifically addresses parents in the book, noting that addiction is a family affliction. He encourages parents to own the fact that they cannot cause, control, or cure addiction. "That is the responsibility of the loved one," he said. Rather, he says they should seek education and support for themselves.

"Addiction is a family affliction, (so) everyone is affected," said Jakubowski. "Everyone has to take a degree of care. Everybody has to make a commitment for wellness."

The Potter's House, with locations in Leola, Brownstown, and New Holland, began as a program for men dealing with addictions. The Potter's House of Ruth for women opened in 2020. More information about The Potter's House and The Potter's House of Ruth may be found at http://www.thepottershouselancaster.com.